The Grass is Greener when it Curls
by Vergina-spva
Summary: Collection of Zoro/Sanji drabbles in different settings. Forever complete/in-progress and open for prompts.
1. Public Shaming

_This is a collection of separate ZoSan drabbles, mostly that I've posted on tumblr already, but prompts are always welcome (I'll only write them when I feel inspired though)._

_This first story is based on a prompt from MyLadyDay._

_Please enjoy and leave a review afterwards! :D_

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><p><strong>Public Shaming<strong>

"Shitty swordsman, this is all your fault!" Sanji cursed and tried to kick the moss-head next to him.

A police officer stopped him though. "Don't make it worse than it already is," he warned the blond as he led the two of them onto the small platform at the center of the crowded square.

"How is this only my fault?" Zoro hissed annoyed. "You were just as much into it as I."

"It's thanks to your shitty greenness that we got caught though!" Sanji shot back with lowered voice.

They stood there for all the village to see them, when the mayor grabbed a megaphone. "Ladies and Gentleman, today we have gathered to see an example of sin," he paused a moment for the drama effect, before he continued. "These two men, have been caught, intimately touching each other, in a way only a married man and woman should do. God created man and woman to reproduce themselves and NOT man and man. Therefore these two men, Roronoa Zoro and Blackleg Sanji, are a shame to our town and will be set here until sundown, as an example of how one should not act, if one desires to end up in heaven."

Zoro clenched his teeth together. Yeah, maybe it hadn't been a good idea to live in the most conservative town of the whole Bible Belt.


	2. Glassy Criminal

**Glassy Criminal**

Zoro tried one of the glasses of the more expensive brand on. Looking into the mirror, he decided that they didn't look too bad on him, were he ever to need glasses.

He looked around and just saw the last other customer of the optician leave through the door. That meant he couldn't sneakily put some more glasses into his bag, without it being noticed, probably. However, he had quite a few expensive ones already, so he didn't really worry about that. This did mean, however, that there were no other customers to witness anything.

Pulling the black hood a bit further over his head, he turned towards the counter. The person working in the shop, helpfully met him halfway. "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yes, you can," Zoro said as he pulled a knife from his pocket within a second and pressed it against the man's throat, while keeping his wrists together behind his back. Zoro didn't like to do this, but they just needed the money. "All the money from the register, if you'd be so kind."

He led the man back to where he came from and released one hand, so that he could open the cash register. The man did as he was told, obviously terrified, but didn't seem to know what to do next. Zoro cursed under his breath. He hadn't thought it out very well. The bag was still around his shoulder, but his hands were both occupied.

Pressing the man's body closer to his own, Zoro let go of the other's hand. "One wrong move and I'll slice up your throat." He put his bag opened on the counter. "Put the money in there."

As soon as the man was done, Zoro left him alone, grabbed the bag, and ran for it. He was almost out of the mall, when he heard a commotion coming from the direction of the shop he'd just robbed. It seemed like the police had arrived, but it would take them some time to catch up with him.

Outside the building, he immediately jumped into a black car that stood ready to go, as close to the mall as possible. "Drive! They're here already!"

Sanji looked at him with surprise, for a moment, before his face turned into a scowl. "Don't order me around, Shithead. Of course I'll drive," he said, as he drove from the parking lot as fast as possible.

Looking behind them, Zoro saw that the police hadn't made it outside yet, when they got out of sight. He let out a relieved breath.

"It took you long enough," Sanji said. "No surprise the cops were already there."

"Like you could have done it faster!" Zoro crossed his arms. "I can't help it that shop is in the middle of a labyrinth."

"It isn't."

"Where you there?! Besides, you wouldn't recognize a labyrinth when you saw one," Zoro huffed. "There's one above your eye after all."

"Maybe if you wouldn't have moss for brains, you could have walked in a straight line to the exit!" Sanji said angrily.

"Just focus on the road, will you? Instead of on me!" Zoro shot back when they just missed another car that came from the right.

"I'm not focusing on you!"

They bickered a little more, until they reached their secret location, pretty sure that the cops hadn't been able to follow them. Once inside, they sat down. Sanji looked funnily at his partner for a moment, studying him as if he was some kind of tropical animal he'd never seen before.

"What? What are you doing?" Zoro asked annoyed.

Sanji shook his head. "No, nothing. So did you at least succeed in stealing?"

"Of course," the green haired man answered as he put the bag on the table and pulled the hood from his head.

Sanji inspected the contains and nodded satisfied. "At least your good at _something_. The boss will be happy to see this." He stood up and walked towards the make-shift kitchen that the building had. "I'll cook us something, we have just a little more time before he'll come to check up on us. Or sends his lovely vice-boss-chwan."

Zoro nodded and waited patiently until the cook was done. They ate in silence, but Sanji kept looking at him with that weird smile on his face, so after having tried scowling him away, Zoro said, more than annoyed. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face or anything?" He brought his hands up to his face and was met by cold steal.

Out of shock, because he'd completely forgotten them, he pulled the glasses from his nose. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me I was still wearing them?"

Sanji chuckled. "They looked good on you."

The green haired man blinked a little confused. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Rolling his eyes, Sanji explained, "I said it looked so terrible on you, it was really funny to look at. You looked even more like the idiot you are!"

"That's not what you said, Curly Brow!" And again, the two of them started to argue, until Nami, the vice-boss came between them.

However, in the end, Zoro kept that one pair of glasses. They _did_ look good on him.


	3. The Fault in our Stars

_The prompt came from MyLadyDay and said 'losing a limb'. I decided to turn it into a crossover. (written for a 3 sentence fic challenge)  
><em>

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><p><strong><em>The Fault in our Stars.<em>**

They had ended on bed, passionately kissing and tearing the clothes off each other, and it was only when Zoro started to fumble with Sanji's pants, that the blond broke their kiss in favor of saying something, looking deep into the other's eyes.

"It starts right underneath my knee," he said, smiling a little awkwardly and not wanting to ruin their first time having sex. "Just so it doesn't shock you too much… and there is a small button to take it off."

Zoro snorted. "Don't be an idiot. Why would I be shocked? I've seen far worse!" And with that he removed the cook's pants, reveling the prosthesis that served as the lower part of the man's right leg.


	4. You've got mail

_Written as a birthday present for Ventusio._

_Beta'd by Aerle._

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><p><strong>You've got mail<strong>

Sanji frowned as he read the letter in his hand. "Please do so before February 13 or you will have to pay a fine." He looked at his calendar. It was the twelfth of February, meaning the last day it was possible to do what they asked in the letter.

He cursed. Why had he only gotten this letter today? The letter was dated more than two weeks ago! Sure, sometimes it took a little long for the mail to reach him, but this was the third time already that something like this happened. He had heard from his neighbor that they hired a new mailman for their neighborhood and that he wasn't the fastest, but Sanji hadn't seen the guy in person yet. But he would soon enough, or so Sanji hoped, because he was still expecting a package that should actually have been delivered yesterday.

He looked at his watch. It was a little past two p.m., so he didn't expect the mailman on his doorstep very soon. He would probably wait until the end of the afternoon.

Sanji's eyes widened, however, when he saw the other clock on his watch count down quickly. His watch had two different clocks, just like everyone else's. One showed the time of the day, while the other showed the time that was left until your met your soulmate. And that clock on Sanji's watch was now counting down as if his soulmate was running towards him.

He felt his heartbeat speed up. Was this beautiful lady coming to his house, ready to run into his loving arms? He would gladly let her hug him, press her voluminous breasts against his own body…

He suddenly felt something warm and wet on his upper lip, and when he brought his hand up to his nose, he immediately noticed blood was dripping from it. "Shit." Sanji walked towards the kitchen to get a tissue and wiped the blood away. He looked down at his watch again, but when it was counting down just a moment ago, it was now counting up again.

Sanji sighed disappointed. What happened? Did she change her mind? Why? She didn't need to get anxious, he would never disappoint her, let alone harm her in any way!

He quickly walked towards his front door and opened it, letting his eyes scan the neighborhood as far as he could see. However, it seemed to be a quiet day, and the only thing he could see moving was a white van, driving towards the end of the street. Wait, was that the mail van? The one they used to carry around packages?

Sanji hoped for the mailman that it wasn't, because if it was, there was no acceptable reason to drive past his house without delivering his damn package!

After making sure there was really no lady in the street, afraid to come to him or with any other reason to not be in his arms yet, Sanji closed the door again. He occupied himself with making preparations for dinner. Who knew? Maybe his soulmate would come by later today and if he were to invite her to dinner, it better be the best dinner she'd ever had.

While being busy in the kitchen, Sanji stared out of the window. He imagined what his soulmate would look like and all the possible reasons that she could have not to come to him after all. Or maybe it was his own fault. Of course it was his own fault! It could never be the fault of a beautiful lady! He was probably meant to go somewhere, but he hadn't, and that was why he hadn't met her! Even though he had no idea where he should have gone to, Sanji was sure that must have been the reason.

He raised his eyebrows when he saw the white van again, coming out of a street that ended in his street. His right indicator light was on, but the van turned left. Sanji snorted. "What idiot ever gave _that_ guy his driver's license? He can't even tell left from right."

He checked his watch again, when his eyes widened a second time that day. His soulmate clock counted down again, until the van passed his house, then the numbers began to add up once more. Shit, she was in that van?! Sanji followed the vehicle with his eyes until it was out of sight.

She must be lost. The poor thing was probably confused or just so nervous that she couldn't find his house! She would be so grateful when he would just show up near her van and show her the way! Sanji washed his hands, dead set on running out of his house the next time he saw the white vehicle.

He stared out of the window for another thirty minutes, thinking of a hundred possible things he would say to her when he finally would meet his soulmate. He was almost starting to become afraid she wouldn't show up anymore, when he finally caught sight of the van again. His heart began to beat a little faster and for a moment, he was glued to the ground. He saw the vehicle coming to a stop in front of his home and that was the moment he jumped into action.

He sprinted towards his small hallway and took a deep breath. Checking his watch again, he saw that he had twenty more seconds. This was it. This was the moment he had lived towards his entire life until now. Sanji cast a quick look at the mirror to check his hair and used his fingers as a comb to straighten the bit that could be better. He grabbed the deodorant and sprayed a tiny bit under his arms, his aim being a little off on his right, but he couldn't be bothered by that. He threw the deodorant in a dark corner that couldn't be seen from the door and straightened his clothes. When he had one second left, he opened the door, a big, hopefully loving, smile on his face.

Sanji blinked when he saw a man standing on his doorstep, wearing a uniform that linked him to the post-office, and holding a box in his hands. Despite his green hair, he was very handsome. Sanji's smile faltered. "You're the mailman."

"Yes, I'm aware of that." The man – Roronoa Zoro, according to his badge – held out the box to him. "I've got a package for mister Blackleg, is that you?"

Sanji placed his hands on the box, to take it from the man, while it gave him a good look on his watch. Shit, his soulmate clock really showed zero. So this was it then. What a bummer. "Yes, that would be me. You know you're late? Again?"

"Well, you could have come and get it yourself if you are so impatient." Zoro let go of the package as soon as he was sure Sanji had gotten it. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a home in this neighborhood? It's like a fucking labyrinth here."

"No it's not! You drove past my house three times already!" Sanji argued. The guy was already getting on his nerves. "Besides, don't you have GPS?"

Zoro snorted. "Yeah, that damn woman kept telling me to turn around, so I turned it off."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "I'm not surprised, when you have moss as brains," he mumbled.

"Yeah, like that dart-board eyebrow will do you any good." Zoro grabbed a small device and presented to Sanji. "I need you to sign here."

"No, listen," Sanji said as he put down the box. "I'm not done with you. This package should have been delivered yesterday. Besides I've gotten some letters the past few weeks that were way too late. I won't accept this any longer."

"So what are you going to do now?" Zoro quirked an eyebrow.

"I-" Sanji would say that he'd complain to the man's boss, but on second thought, that didn't seem like the best way to start off with his so-called soulmate. "I'll kick your ass the next time you're late."

"Heh, like you could." Zoro gave him the device so Sanji could write down his signature. "Just sign, will you?"

"Fine." Sanji grabbed the little machine from the mailman's hand and scribbled down his signature. "But just so you know, I could easily kick you so hard you'll end up in another city."

"Sure," Zoro said, obviously not buying a word he said. "But I won't be late again." The mailman took the signing device back and turned away without another word.

Sanji kept standing in the open door, watching the green haired man walk down the path towards his van. He felt a bit empty, letting him go like that. If his watch was right, this man – who, Sanji had to admit, had a really nice behind – was his soulmate after all. "Oi, Marimo Head!" Zoro stopped walking, a sign to Sanji that he had the mailman's attention. "Want to… eh… come in?"

The mailman turned around with a big grin on his face. "I thought you'd never ask."


End file.
